Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
