Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize