I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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