dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
