Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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