the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
