Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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