Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
