If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
