FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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