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How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
