Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
