Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
