I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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