Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
