last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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