is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
