He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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