I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
