your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
