OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This is not my ceiling
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
