How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
