So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
