i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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