the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
