We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
