every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I could fuck to npr.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
