i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
