Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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