tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
