the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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