im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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