Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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