i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
