We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
