Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
