My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I will be naked everywhere
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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