true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
