pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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