next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
