my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
