Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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