Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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