I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My penis needs a shock collar
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
