You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
