why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
