Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
