I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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