youre lurking in front of me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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