They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
