Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
