So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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