This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
