My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
