I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
