:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
