he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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