thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
