Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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