My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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