Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
