i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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