I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Im part way to drunk.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
