got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
