Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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