apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize