is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
